the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
