Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize