An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
