"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
