Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I believe in your delicious
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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