You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
