OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
