Sober January is a disaster.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
