My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
