Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
