i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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