i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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