imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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