And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
