I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
