the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
