Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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