i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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