I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
