i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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