Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
