I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
