I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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