If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
