she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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