We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
