True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
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Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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