There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
