she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
