She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I looked at my own cervix.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
