I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
