I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
