You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
