he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
