We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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