how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
