I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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