He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
