May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
