Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
false alarm. still invincible.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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