i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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