At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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