shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
