okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
