you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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