Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
