Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
