We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
are you so shy because you have an std?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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