that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
