hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
