You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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