We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
