Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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