You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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