I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
