Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
