If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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