I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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