sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
