i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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