My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
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So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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