remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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