Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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