Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
