My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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