I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
