and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
