I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
