Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
