You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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