If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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