Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
