It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
