remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
