The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
