you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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