Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
