we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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